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TEACHERS PERMITTTED TO CARRY HANDGUNS ON PLAYGROUND DUTY
Teachers attempt to curb rising firefights between students
Saturday 5 May 2001
In an attempt to counter-act the rising number of shoot-outs between Bundy High students at recess,
teachers have been given the powers to carry firearms during playground duty. Deputy Principal
John Weir, who is the instigator of the this plan, has ordered 15 9mm pistols which all teachers will be
able to arm before venturing into the playground-come-battleground as well as bullet-proof vests. The
Wilkinson Administration told The Unofficial Bundy High Newsletter that all willing teachers
would be given free basic weapons instructions at a police firing range as well as their own tailor-made
bullet-proof vest.
Mr. Weir commented to The Unofficial Bundy High Newsletter "Through counter intelligence
it should be possible to pinpoint potential troublemakers and neutralise them." Mrs. Roffey also added
"We have to do something soon because it is just not safe to walk around out there. Everyday there is
15 new people in the sick bay with bullet wounds to their spine, hips and necks just because they
looked at someone or sat in someone's seat. We believe that we can prevent the whole shooting issue
from even occurring by simply shooting the troublemakers in their kneecaps before they can get a
shot off!"
And the school is not mucking around either, they have ordered 3 custom-made golf buggies from
Yamaha, which features a side-mounted gatling gun. The gun is strategically positioned so that the
co-pilot can maim students with the utmost efficiency and accuracy.
You can expect to see teachers out of the beat with their glistening new weapons from next Friday.
(This is a sponsored advertisement)
WANTED: Beatiful girls to tryout for the school's cheerleading team. See Mr. Doherty in
H-Block at 9:00 PM. Come alone...
h t t p : / / w w w . b u n d y h i g h n e w s . 4 t . c o m
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