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BUNDY HIGH IN BREACH OF THE KYOTO
PROTOCOL
Students let out toxic levels of cigarette
smoke
Tuesday 15 May 2001
After many complaints from Bundaberg residents, United Nations delegates visited Bundy High this
week and were not happy with what they found. After running several tests, the delegates came to the
astonishing conclusion that Bundy High is producing twice the CO2 emissions that the Kyoto
Protocol will allow. The Kyoto Protocol, which was released in 1998, is an international standard
designed to lower the amount of greenhouse gases that the world produces.
The UN delegates released the following in a press statement: "After studying the habits of students
around Bundaberg State High School, it is undisputable that these emissions are coming from the
cigarette-smoking population of the student body." It is well known that Bundy High students are
heavy smokers, but The Unofficial Bundy High Newsletter was shocked that the students can
produce this much pollution. "The amounts of toxic chemicals in the air in the school grounds will,
over time, cause serious birth defects in future offspring from the students, as well as lung cancer,
emphysema, brain tumours and head lice," continued the delegate, "it is up to the administration of
this school to clean this place up."
Principal Dave Wilkinson, head of the Wilkinson Administration, commented to The Unofficial
Bundy High Newsletter, "We do not believe that the smoke from the small number of students
who choose to smoke cigarettes at this school can do any harm." However, on closer inspection, it
was discovered that Mr. Wilkinson was wearing a gas mask and radiation suit for the duration of our
interview.
When questioned about the health danger that they are bestowing upon their fellow students by
The Unofficial Bundy High Newsletter, several smokers had the following to say:
- "Got a light cuz?"
- "Quit hoggin' the durry, bruz!"
- "Aww! You're bum-puffing!"
- "What's your brand man?"
It is certain from these statements that the youth responsible for this danger are truly sorry for the
actions which they have done to affect the lives of the other 1200 members of the school.
It is clear that the population of Bundy High is at serious risk over this matter, even more so that the
asbestos ice-cream scare in the 1970s. The Unofficial Bundy High Newsletter recommends
moving to the hills until this trouble blows over.
We will have more news as it breaks.
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h t t p : / / w w w . b u n d y h i g h n e w s . 4 t . c o m
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