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BUNDY HIGH GOES JAPAN-MAD
Foreign exchange students arrive at Bundy High
Monday 30 July 2001
In an extremely strange day at Bundy High, the school has gone Japan-mad, embracing the cultures
of visiting exchange students. The day started off with an all-school parade where the Wilkinson
Administration officially welcomed the visitors into the school with a presentation of fluffy Koala dolls,
didgeridoos and life-sized cardboard cutouts of John Howard. Mr. Weir then delivered a speech
dressed in a Japanese kimono to the assembled audience of students, staff and VIP guests who
included Ray Martin, Paul Hogan, Mike Whitney, Kerri-Anne Kennerly and a lady who looked like Ailsa
from Home & Away. Mr. Weir welcomed the exchange students into the school once again and then
combined with Mike Whitney for a haunting rendition of the Japanese national anthem complete with
a high-tech laser and fireworks extravaganza and the releasing of 350 white doves to spell out the
words "WELCOME TO AUSTRALI" in the sky above the oval (the school didn't have enough money
to afford an "A" at the end.)
And that's not where it finished. Students lining up to the F-Block franchise of Bundaberg High
Tuckshops Inc. noticed a menu change - everything had been replaced with rice and sushi. Speaking
to the crowd of assembled students outside her establishment, Ms. Pam Driver (CEO of Bundaberg
High Tuckshops Inc.) said "We just want to make them Japs feel at home" before turning to her loyal
sidekick and saying "plus do you how much rice and raw fish costs to buy and prepare? We'll make a
fortune HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" However business did not go quite as planned when it was pointed out
to her that rice is much easier to chew after being cooked and Japanese don't usually use goldfish in
sushi.
On the other side of the school, Mr. Doherty - physical education teacher and inspiration for the
re-naming of the Student Centre presented the press with a "blueprint" for a new Sumo-Wrestling
Arena to be built on Bundy High's doorstop.
Mr. Doherty's 'blueprint' of the Sumo Wrestling Meg-Arena (click
to enlarge)
"Sumo Wrestling is a fast growing sport and the Physical Education Department needs to keep up with
these trends" commented Mr. Doherty. However upon closer inspection, it was found that the
"blueprint" was not even drawn by an architect and was just scrawled on the back of a coffee-stained
napkin by one "T. Doherty." When an Unofficial Bundy High Newsletter reporter questioned
Mr. Doherty on how he would acquire the land for the premises from the TAFE College and the Show
Grounds, he replied "we're working on it."
So, why has Bundy High gone Japan-mad all of a sudden? Some say it is to re-gather the horrible 9 million dollar debt that the school has by sucking up to
the Japanese people. Some say the school's administration is actually a subsidiary of the Japanese
government and is getting up accustomed to their customs before they invade. Some say they don't
know. One thing is for sure that we'll soon find out.
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