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GOLF BUGGY USED IN DRIVE-BY SHOOTING
Tensions between Kepnock SHS and Bundaberg SHS reach new highs
Friday 4 May 2001
3 people have been left dead and numerous others injured in a drive-by shooting aimed at the
administration of Kepnock State High School. No group as yet have claimed responsibility for the
incident, although it is believed the shooting was administrated by the head staff at Bundaberg State
High School. Numerous Bundaberg SHS pupils saw a golf buggy leave the school grounds and many
more students at Kepnock saw the same golf buggy fleeing the scene of the shooting.
Says one witness, "I just saw the tinted windows roll down and the muzzle of a gun come out. After
that I ducked for cover. Then I heard the shots. After a few rounds were fired, I heard the roar of the
buggies engines and the squealing of tires. Over the sound of the engines, I heard someone from
inside the buggy yell 'Hell Yeah!' and then 'Metal Up Your Ass!'" In a disgrace to the driver/gunner, the
buggy ran out of battery power just after leaving the school and the RACQ had to be called by the
driver from the Kepnock school office.
However, after careful examination by police, it has been realized that instead of shooting into the
school grounds as was originally intended, the gunman shot out the wrong side of the golf buggy,
into the residential area across the road from the school. It is not known whether the gunner
represents the average standard of intelligence of teachers at Bundaberg High.
Police have dropped all investigations into the incident. When quizzed on this, Bundaberg High's own
policeman, Senior Constable Pigga replied "Umm, I...don't think we...arrr....had enough evidence...or
something along those lines...I think." As the constable walked away he was seen receiving an
unlabelled envelope from an unknown member of the school administration.
In a gallant speech on the event, the principal of Kepnock State High School stated "They can take our
lives, but they will never take, our FREEDOM!" He was then removed from the stage with irregular,
stunned applause coming from the crowd of onlookers. This is seen as a new high in the battle for
state school supremacy between the two educational empires. Bundaberg State High is tightening
security after the bungled attack. Kepnock is rumoured to be 'annoyed' after missing out on the
school cop and the three million dollar grant.
None of the members of the Wilkinson Administration were available for comment on this matter.
(This is a sponsored advertisement)
WANTED: New teachers willing to serve at Bundy High. Intellignce and body odor need not
matter. See Wilko.
h t t p : / / w w w . b u n d y h i g h n e w s . 4 t . c o m
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