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SOPHISTICATED DINING ON BUNDY HIGH'S
DOORSTOP
Tuckshop expands its horizons
Thursday 17 May 2001
In a surprise move today, Bundaberg High Tuckshops Inc CEO Pam Driver announced the expansion
of her company outside the school borders.
"We need something to appeal to the modern, new millenium market. The old 'grab your chum and go'
system isn't making the profits it used to" said Mrs Driver.
The Tuckshop will be setting up an alfresco cafe on the sidewalks of the serene Maryborough Street.
"We believe this is the location with the best value for money. Once we find solutions to the areas
problems, such as traffic noise, criminals, rogue students and homeless beggers this business should
take off".
Bundaberg High Tuckshops Inc shares jumped 50% after the decision, stabilising at 32 cents per
share. This comes after the company announced record profits last quarter, however the ACCC is
looking into the company after claims of monopolization. "Who can explain a $10 sausage roll?"
commented the ACCC Chairman.
The new alfresco dining plan offers a welcome change from the overused ineffecient system, jokingly
called the "What the fuck do you want, that'll be a $1.20, piss off you little bastard before I jump over
this counter and stab you" system. Mrs Driver offered no comment on whether her famous 'Half Price
Blitzes' would be carried over into the alfresco market.
(This is a sponsored advertisement)
Lost 'n' Found
Lost: School groundskeeper. Last seen stealing desks from school buildings. If found please
call administration.
Lost: Randy Story. If found please call Administration.
Found: Trevor French in gutter outside school. Call 4156 9803 to collect.
Lost: Important documents connecting Bundaberg High to Soviet Communist plot. Please do
not read if found. Immediately call Mr Wilkinson to return papers.
h t t p : / / w w w . b u n d y h i g h n e w s . 4 t . c o m
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